Black Eyes, Blue Tears
by Konohashinobi07
Summary: Esme reminisces on her human years during her first marriage as she listens to a song. Rated T for abuse.


A/N: I know it's been several weeks since I last updated anything. I'm back. I finally found time to post. I've been meaning to write this one for awhile, but I've been busy and now it's finished. School's been hectic, and still is, so I'll update my story, Paranoia, as soon as I can. This story is for FireFrenzy596. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does. I also don't know Shania Twain's song, "Black Eyes, Blue Tears."

Summary: Esme reminisces on her human years during her first marriage as she listens to a song.

Esme's POV

I was upstairs in my small study working on a new set of blueprints. Correction, I was supposed to be working on a new set of blueprints.

Twenty minutes. I had spent the last twenty minutes sitting at my desk holding my pencil in hand, my hand frozen in the air. Normally, the blank blue paper would already have markings on it, but today, for some unknown reason, was very different. I tried to regain my focus and start, _finally_, working. However, I had failed.

Ten minutes. I continued to sit how I was sitting going on, in total, half an hour. I began to wonder what was wrong with me today. This has never happened before.

Tick tock. The sound of the clock in the room startled me. I let out a sigh and closed my eyes. When I opened my golden eyes a few moments later, I slowly turned to my left to face the clock. It was quarter after noon. Nobody was going to be coming home for another couple of hours. I let out another sigh as I turned back to the blank blue paper. I took a very deep breath, let it out, refocused my mind for the second time today, and began to work. Tick tock. Tick tock. The clock was very distracting. I tried to block out the clock. It didn't work.

Tick tock. TICK TOCK. It was as if the clock was mocking me. Tick tock. Tick tock. TICK TOCK. The sound was so distinct that my keen hearing concentrated on the ticker (A/N: not the hands on the clock, but the third one-I don't know what it's called) counting down to the second.

After five minutes of listening to the clock, I dropped my pencil on the desk and walked out of the room. It only took me 30 seconds to get to the kitchen. I immediately went to the counter farthest from the sink with the small radio and turned it on. I turned the dial until I found a good station. The station played Country music. Although I didn't recognize the song, it was ending and the radio DJ was introducing the next song.

"Here's Black Eyes, Blue Tears by Shania Twain," the radio DJ said.

The song then began.

_Black eyes, I don't need 'em_

_Blue tears, gimme freedom_

_Positively never goin' back_

_I won't live where things are so out of whack_

_No more rollin' with the punches_

_No more usin' or abusin'_

I was standing with my hands on the counter where the radio was located. As soon as the words of the song began to play and reached my ears into my brain, I immediately tensed up. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was almost as if the song was meant for me to listen to.

When Shania got to the last two lines of the first verse, my eyes widen in shock as if I had recognized something. All of a sudden, I was remembering things I had kept locked away for long-things from human life that I didn't like to dwell on, that I hadn't dwelled on for a very long time. It was all coming back to me. I could see the images in my mind as if they were right in front of me. I tried to block them out, but the horrors of my human life won the "battle" and I could see them now.

_I'd rather die standing_

_Than live on my knees_

_Begging please-no more_

My memories began a little after my marriage to Charles. I was at home doing some chores when he first came home and roughly grabbed my arm. His fingers were gripping too tightly causing a bruise to form. I could almost hear myself telling him to let go, that he was hurting me and hear him laughing. I begged and begged him to stop, but he gotten more angry and smacked me hard. I could feel the heat on my cheek as if he left a handprint.

Charles threw me onto the floor where he kicked me in the stomach. In my memories, I had begun to cry although it felt that, in the present, I was going to cry again. That was the day I knew that marrying him was a mistake.

_Black eyes-I don't need them_

_Blue tears-gimme freedom_

_Black eyes-all behind me_

_Blue tears'll never find me now_

The day I went to see my parents had given me I little hope that I could get out of this marriage and marry some other person once I told them how abusive Charles was. Sadly, my parents had forced me to keep quiet and stay with him. It was then that I realized that I had no choice, but to stay with Charles and deal with the abuse, though I wasn't going to like it.

_Definitely found my self-esteem_

_Finally-I'm forever free to dream_

_No more cryin' in the corner_

_No excuses-no more bruises_

The first happy memory was the day Charles was going off to fight in the war (A/N: For those of you readers don't know, it's WWI). As soon as he left, I had left a sigh of relief. While I didn't tell anyone this, but I hoped that Charles wouldn't come back.

_I'd rather die standing_

_Than live on my knees_

_Begging please-no more_

Two years had passed since Charles had left for the war. I hoped and prayed that he would come home a changed man and treat me better. I was kind of thrilled when he came home, yet at the same time I was dreading his return. When Charles did come home, he was more abusive than ever in the months following. He threw me to the floor harder, kicked me in the stomach harder, punched me and gave me a black eye multiple times. He even went so far as to rape me when he came home drunk. He threw me on the bed and overpowered me even though I begged him to stop.

_Black eyes-I don't need 'em_

_Blue tears-gimme freedom_

_Black eyes-all behind me_

_Blue tears'll never find me now_

I remembered coming home from the hospital. I was still shocked from the news. I had found out that I was pregnant. I was contemplating whether or not to tell Charles about the news. As the house was coming into view, I felt a very big sense of despair. I wanted to run and hide somewhere far away from this place, but I couldn't run in the dark. It was then that I had realized how the sun had begun to set. I quickly but quietly made my way to the front door and into the house. I hoped to God that Charles wasn't home. I was wrong.

Charles started to yell at me about where I was. He smacked me and dragged me out the door by my hair as I cried out in pain. As soon as he got to the last step, he threw on the ground. The ground scraped some places on my body where skin was showing. I was crying and could feel the tears running down my face. I remembered my condition and silently pleaded that Charles wouldn't cause a miscarriage when he kicked me. It was then that I realized that I had enough. It was time for me to leave this godforsaken place. I needed to think about my unborn child.

_I'd rather die standing_

_Than live on my knees, begging please..._

I stayed with a second cousin for about a month. Unfortunately, information of my whereabouts had reached the ears of my parents. I immediately packed all of my belongings, making sure I had gotten everything. When I was done, I quickly made my way out of the house. I found a train station and headed for Ashland, Wisconsin pretending to be a war widow. I hoped that Charles or any family wouldn't find me.

_Black eyes-I don't need 'em_

_Blue tears-gimme freedom_

_Black eyes-all behind me_

_Blue tears'll never find me now_

I had been living just outside of Ashland for almost a year now. My teaching job was going very well. I liked everyone in the small community. There were so nice to me and loved all my children as if they were my own. It was only a matter of time before my child was born.

_It's all behind me now, they'll never find me now_

My son was so beautiful as I held him in my arms. I could tell that something was very wrong as the doctors looked grief stricken. They told me that my son had a lung infection. I was devastated. Three days later, I got the news that my son died. At that point, I lost my reason to live. I ran from the hospital to a nearby cliff as fast as I could and jumped over the edge anticipating to see my son again. When I hit the ground, everything went dark. The next thing I knew, a searing pain was coursing through my body as if I was on fire. I heard someone calling my name and opened my eyes when the pain stopped. I was staring right into the face of the doctor I had met 10 years earlier.

When the song ended and the memories faded, I was in the present staring at the radio on the counter. It had dawned on me that if I hadn't married Charles, I wouldn't have been here right now standing in the kitchen with the wonderful family that I have now. I would have been in my grave all those years ago. I was enjoying my "life" as it was currently. At that thought, I felt myself smile. I walked out of the kitchen back to my study and begin working with a smile on my face.

_Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream_

A/N: Review please! :)


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